This article resembles what happened to me. My ex spent the last year of our marriage complaining nearly everyday on the phone to her mother about whatever I had done wrong. In the linked story (HT: Instapundit), however, the lady's mother helped her realize what she was doing wrong. In my case, the mother encouraged the behavior, because my ex's mother had been trying to get her to leave me for over a decade.
I should have thought it a little odd when her mother started calling more frequently, but I didn't. And my ex even dropped hints ("my mother was trying to dig for dirt on you today") what was really going on, but I was a little too focused on getting my dissertation finished and jobs applied for (I applied to nearly 100 jobs the semester I graduated and got none) and figured it didn't matter, since I would soon have a job.
Then, I didn't get a job, and that's also a marriage killer (as I discussed in a previous post). I've also read that the more divorced people you know, the more likely you are to get divorced. And about tw0-thirds of her cousins are divorced. At least now she can fit in at their family reunions and have a lame-0 ex-husband to complain about, since to my recollection, that's what most of their family get-togethers consisted of - bashing the ex-spouses and sympathy for the family member who is clearly an innocent done wrong (even the cousin that decided he was gay - it's the fault of his shrewish ex for not being a good enough wife or something).
I made it a point never to complain about my wife to anyone, not even my parents. She had no such compunction, and now I know her mother was keeping a record of everything I ever did wrong in 11 years of marriage. And when I didn't get a job, well that was further proof of what a loser I was.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
is my kids. A friend of mine comes from a divorced family. Nearly all his brothers and sisters are inactive and most are outright hostile to the church. He has one sister that's active, and my friend goes back and forth from atheist to active. They almost all blame the church for his parents divorce - she was counseled by her bishop to divorce her husband because she caught him reading a certain type of magazine (trying to avoid spam bots here). His mother now says divorce was the biggest mistake she ever made. One thing his mom said to me the other day chilled me to the bone: "The parents eventually move on, but the kids never do."