Tuesday, April 13, 2010

It's very hard to keep perspective

Everything I've read says that divorce destroys perspective. Spouses erase all the good memories and exaggerate the bad ones, so that by the time it is all over, all they recall of the marriage is one long argument of epic proportions.

I've tried very hard to not lose perspective, constantly reminding myself of the good times we had. But it gets rather hard, as my ex-wife continues to do things that clearly violate the agreement, such as deny me access to the children. In her mind, this is all justified because I was such a terrible husband, the kids are better off without any contact with me at all. All their bad behavior is my fault - even now that I'm gone. It's either residual, or because I wrote something "inappropriate" in my weekly letters. She has lost all sense of proportion.

I used to believe many of those women who came online to Mormon sites like BCC and FMH and give a narrative like this: "I did all the right things and married an RM. But he was emotionally abusive and controlling."

I now wonder if that is always so true, or if it's the loss of perspective caused by going through a divorce. Divorce apparently forces some (or most) people to get nasty and accuse each other of vile actions, even if it's not really true.

It's just sad all around. The children really are the ones that lose out.

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