Paranoia runs rampant.

This is related to the last post, somewhat.

The process of divorce encourages paranoia, and it's not healthy for the emotions or psyche. Suddenly, you start second and third guessing everything the other spouse does, accusing them of "playing games" or trying to trip you up. My ex has cut off phone conversations with the kids because I was asking "leading questions" and sent me e-mails accusing me of stalking her (even though we're on opposite sides of the continent) because I called her bishop to discuss my son's baptism.

I'm hardly innocent of this. Once, my son was punished for something or another, and I was sure she was doing it to get back at me for the latest court hearing (which she basically "lost" - although no-fault divorce makes it so she automatically won the war, regardless of any in between "battles"). But I have to admit, maybe he just misbehaved and needed some discipline.

There have been other incidents on both sides. I wish I was a better man, and I wish I could take her actions with more charity, and I wish she would give me the benefit of the doubt occasionally as well. It's a struggle. I've made a commitment to never send off an angry e-mail or phone message, and to look for the most charitable interpretation of her actions.

But when she constantly sends me nasty messages attacking me for things I never intended as hurtful or mean, it only encourages me to reciprocate.

As I said before, divorce is terrible and distorts reality.